A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, “Excuse me, where are we?”
“This is Heaven, sir,” the man answered.
“Wow! Would you happen to have some water?” the man asked.
“Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ ll have some ice water brought right up.”
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
“Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in, too?” the traveler asked.
“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.”
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. “Excuse me!” he called to the man. “Do you have any water?”
“Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.”
“How about my friend here?” the traveler gestured to the dog.
“There should be a bowl by the pump.”
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. “What do you call this place?” the traveler asked.
“This is Heaven,” he answered.
“Well, that’s confusing,” the traveler said. “The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.”
“Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.”
“Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?”
“No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.”
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There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
“When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she’s ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn’t care what time I came home.”
One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she’s ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he’s home so late.
“Hey, why aren’t you sleeping?” he asks.
“I was was, but I came in to tell you that we’ve got to sleep on the couch tonight, ’cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom.”
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Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam for May of 1997 consisted of only one question. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, ”Why do airplanes fly?” on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was:
”Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof.”
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
“First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:
1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, ”that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you” and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true. Thus, hell is exothermic.”
The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.
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One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well.The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from God.
You have two choices…smile and close this page, or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson……. I did!!
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ሁለት ጔደኛሞች ምግብ ቤት ይገባሉ :: አስተናጋጁም የሚታዘዙትን ጠይቆ አንድ የበግ ቀይና አንድ አልጫ እንዲመጣላቸው ያዙታል :: ታዲያ የአልጫው ወጥ ስጋ ብጥቅጥቅ ያለበት አንደኛው አስተናጋጁን ጠርቶ
“”ስማ እንጂ … 
“”
አስተናጋጅ “‘አቤት ምን ጎደለ 
“”
“”ለመሆኑ በጔ በቢላ ነው የታረደችው ወይስ በፈንጂ ነው የተመታቸው “”
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The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’ The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door.’ He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?’ She smiled and said, ‘No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.
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An old man and woman were married for many years and they grew to hate each other.When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout,
‘When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave andCome back and haunt you for the rest of your life!’
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, ‘
Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back tohaunt you for the rest of your life?’The wife put down her drink And said,‘Let him dig. I had him buried upside down’Women - they think of everything!!!
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INDIAN ENGLISH
An Italian , French and Indian went for a job interview in England.
They were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green , pink and yellow .
The Italian was first: “I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun.
I see the green grass and I hope it will be a pinkday.”
The French was next: ” I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana,
a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.
Last was the Indian: “I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone
“ green green “, I “ pink ” up the phone and I say ” Yellow ”
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SON ASKED HIS FATHER: “Daddy what is the difference between”potential” and “reality”
Dad: I will show you, Dad turned to his wife and ask her: “Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 Million Dollars? Wife answers: “Yes of Course! I would never waste such an opportunity to be a millionaire”
Then Dad asked his daughter if she would sleep with Will Smith for 2 Million dollars?
Daughter: “Wow! Yes Yes ! I will that’s my fantasy”
So Dad turned to his elder son and ask him : Son, will you sleep with Denzel Washington for 1 Million dollars?
Elder Son replied: ” Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 Million dollars, I would never hesitate!” So the father turns to his younger son and said: ”You see son, POTENTIALLY” we are sitting on 4 Million dollars, But in “REALITY” we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!
See what money does, it exposes people of what they really are.
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ሟች ነፍሱ ሰማይ ቤት እንደደረሰ የሰማይ ቤት ዳኞች ገሃነም ወይም ገነት ለመግባት ሁለቱንም ስፍራዎች ጎብኝቶ መምረጥ እንዳለበት ይነግሩታል፡፡ በመርሐ-ግብሩ መሰረትም በመጀመሪያ ገሃነምን እንዲጎበኝ ይጋበዝና ገና ከበሩ ላይ በመልካም አለባበስ የተሸቆጠቆጠው ሳጥናኤል በሞቀ ሰላምታ ተቀብሎት ወደ ውስጥ ይዞት ይገባል፡፡ገሃነም ውስጥ የሟች የድሮ ወዳጆች ሁሉ ተሰብስበው እየጠጡ ፣ ከረንቦላ እየተጫወቱ፣ በሙዚቃ እየጨፈሩ አስደሳች ጊዜ ሲያሳልፉ ተመለከተ ፡፡ ከዚያም ወደ ገነት ተወሰደ ፡፡ ገነት እንደገባ አንድም የድሮ ጓደኛውን ሊያገኝ አልቻለም :: ከዚያም በላይ ሲያስበው ያስመረረው ግን በገነት ያሉ ሰዎች ስራቸው ሁሉ ነጫጭ ለብሰው ማሸብሸብ ፣ መጸለይና መስገድ ብቻ መሆኑ ነው ፡፡ ሟች ሁለቱንም ሁኔታዎች አመዛዝኖ ሲያበቃ ገሃነም ከወዳጆቹ ጋር ለመቀላቀል ወስኖ ፊርማውን አኖረ፡፡ በማግስቱ ወደገሃነም ሲወሰድ ግን የጠበቀው ነገ ር ሌላ ነበር፡፡ ሳጥናኤል በአስፈሪ እርቃኑ ቆሞ እህል-ውሃ የማያሰኝ ጅራፍ ይዞ እየዠለጠ ወደ ውስጥ አስገባው ፡፡ ውስጥ የነበሩት ጓደኞቹም ግማሽ ሰውነታቸው በእሳት ተዘፍቆ ሲሰቃዩ ተመለከተ ፡፡ ወዳንድ ጓደኛው ጠጋ አለና ‹‹ትላንትና ያየሁት ሕይወት የት ሄደ?›› ብሎ ቢጠይቀው ፡፡ ‹‹አይ እሱማ የምርጫ ቅስቀሳ ነው›› ብሎት እርፍ አለ፡፡
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- Kibe – Recharge your account.
- Shiro – Failed, Retry?
- Dabo – line is busy.
- Berbere – out side the service area.
- Siga – switched off.
- Democracy – service is not avaiable.
- Water – press 5 days to refill your Baldi.
- Electricity – out of the Country, please contact GENERATOR
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